Being a mommy is a very up and down roller coaster. One day you are on top of the world, getting everything done and then some. And the very next day you are struggling not to yell at your baby, and only wanting to brush your teeth, if only you could get that one thing done. And nothing is going the way it’s suppose to. I don’t get the drastic differences. Isn’t their some middle ground here? Lately the good days are becoming more frequent, which has really changed my outlook, but then every couple of days I have another one of "those" days, and I’m back to thinking that I’ve got myself in way over my head. Maybe in a few more months the good days will be more consistent. But definately not in the near future.
This weekend I’m going to try the transistion from bassinet to crib. Which entails moving my sweet, grumpy, beautiful, not sleeping through the night, often sleeps with me baby into another room. So that should be interesting. Who knows, maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised and he’ll start sleeping through the night. But I’m most definately not counting on it.
So in other areas, I’ve been basically ignoring my mom. But she’s been ignoring me too. As far as I know, no one has heard from Chay yet, going on month 4. The 3rd year anniversary of Cal’s death just passed and I forgot it until a few days afterwords. I still haven’t emailed Michelle, which I feel guilty about, I’m just not sure what to say. And I’m struggling with a friendship that I’m just plain not sure how to proceed. I want to supportive, but it’s just not in my nature to be a by stander. And as much as she talks the talk of wanting advice and help, she definately doesn’t walk the walk. So I don’t know how to be a supportive listener and then do nothing, especially when I see solutions that would help alot. As usual an outsider can see the situation much clearer than the participants. They are so in the thick of it, they are starting to crumble under the stress. I want to help so much, but then get so frustrated because she doesn’t follow through. And it gets tiring to listen to her complaints day in and day out. But as usual I will plow on through full steam ahead and probably piss her off so much that in the end we no longer remain friends. But once again I could be wrong, who knows what the future holds. Getting balance in my life is so much more difficult these days. But every day I get a little better at it.
A random note in case anyone ever reads this, an exceptional book for childrearing is "Don’t Shoot The Dog", it’s written by animal trainers and what they learned about raising kids and discipline, etc. The theory basically is that you could shoot the dog to make it stop barking. And while that would be effective it’s not the best solution to the problem, it would be much much better to incentivise the dog to stop barking on his own. And that way the dog no longer barks inappropriately hardly ever because the reward for good behavior is so much more fulfilling then the reward for bad behavior. I’ve used the technigues from this book and it’s rather shocking how well they work and how quickly, I can’t recommend it enough.
